


The Other Side

by BlazersEtc



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Blood, I'm not kidding, M/M, Mention of Clary - Freeform, Pain, Tears, You Have Been Warned, mentions of Sizzy, so much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 10:49:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11416353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: We are buried in broken dreamsWe are knee-deep without a pleaI don't want to know what it's like to live without youDon't want to know the other side of a world without youCan't live without you.





	The Other Side

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to start this fic but saying that this was written in one sitting and I cried so much I'm pretty sure I need to drink a gallon of water to re-hydrate. I don't cry at much so this is pretty impressive. You have been warned of the pain you are about to experience.

 

Alec felt like he was drowning.  Time seemed to stop in that moment the only person affected being himself.  The sounds of the battle raging on around him were gone, no more blades clashing, no more growls of demons, no more werewolf howls, he was deafened by fear as he watched the scene unfold before him.  His mind was screaming at him to move faster, to cross the distance and put himself between the arrow and its target; but he wasn't fast enough, no matter how much he urged his feet to move faster. Speed runes were a help but even they couldn't beat an arrow at such short range. 

 

 

Alec felt the pain coursing through his chest before his brain could accept the cause of the pain, of what he was seeing before him, a tortured scream ripping from his mouth as he tripped and fell to the ground. The impact was hard and gravel cut at his legs and arms, blood starting to drip from the places the rock met skin; but Alec forced himself up, his only focus on the scene unfolding before him.  Alec threw his body forward tackling the archer who'd shot the arrow, raising his seraph blade to his throat and slicing through it like butter, for once feeling no guilt over killing a Shadowhunters, circle member or not. 

 

 

Alec didn't waste any energy on worrying about the dead body, dropping the corpse to the side without much thought, ignoring the spilt blood on his leather sleeve.  He dropped to his knees beside the victim, a sob in his throat as he desperately pulled his stele forth to draw Irizate's on the man's arm quickly.  The man coughed on blood, shaking his head but Alec didn't stop, he needed to save the Nephilim from death. 

 

 

The wound where the arrow was stuck through was starting to ooze crimson, and no matter how many runes Alec applied, it didn't stop bleeding.  In his head he knew he wouldn't be able to save the man, but rational reason was gone as he drew rune after rune in desperation, the feeling clawing it’s way out of his throat, his hand shaking so badly he could hardly form the correct shapes.  A hand on his stopped the action, the stele falling from his fingers and Alec looked up through tears, the familiar warmth of a hand on his own pulling a sob from the depths of his soul. 

 

 

"Jace..." The name was broken, the sound of a man who could feel his Parabatai slipping away, with no hope of his rescue.  

 

 

"Alec, please. It's no-" A rough cough slipped from the blonde’s throat... "It's fatal."

 

 

"Don't say that, Jace! This is not how you go. You can't...you can't leave me." Alec could feel tears pouring down his face but he didn't register them, all he could think about was Jace.  The man that had shared his soul for so long that Alec couldn’t remember life before him.  Jace reached out to cup Alec's cheek, brushing some of the tears away from his eyes with his thumb, though his own two-tone eyes were now tearing up, not from physical pain, Jace had learned to deal with that long ago, but from emotional pain.  The pain of being ripped away from not only the man he loved but from half of his soul.  Jace felt lightheaded but not in the way Simon had described dying, as slipping away into a warm light, it felt as if he were being ripped away from his own being, cell by cell with white-hot fire that scorched everything in its wake. 

 

 

"I love you." Jace whispered, choking on more blood, his eyelids fluttering in exhaustion.  He fought against the fatigue, reaching for Alec's hand who grasped it tightly, so tightly Jace would have feared it would break if he weren’t about to have his last moments. 

 

 

"I love you too." Alec croaked, leaning down to press his forehead against Jace's, closing his eyes for a moment.  Damn the Clave, if anyone saw, Alec would gladly take the punishment, nothing could be worse than this moment.  If he had to suffer for the rest of his life to make sure Jace's last moments were good ones, he would. 

 

 

Alec kissed Jace softly, tasting the metallic copper tang on his lips, making his stomach churn. 

 

"You....you made me happy. For the first time in my life I felt safe. Please, Alec. Never...never forget that." Jace's eyes fluttered again, his grip loosening on Alec's own hand, causing Alec to hold tighter, trying to keep Jace with him as his chest was being washed over with painful fire. 

 

 

"No, Jace please!" Alec was shaking, clinging to every last shred of hope he had in himself and Jace smiled a small, broken, smile

 

"This isn't goodbye Alec...just until next time...The Angel do so to me, and more also,

If aught but...but death...." Jace's voice trailed off, his hand going completely lax in Alec's own. 

 

 

"Part thee and me." Alec finished, gently resting Jace's hand over his chest, tear streaming down his face. 

 

 

The moment that followed was silent, numb as if all his ability to feel had been taken away-before the dam burst and a pain unlike anything he'd ever felt before tore through his veins.  Alec let out a scream, so loud and so broken that those fighting around him had been startled out of their focus, some dropping weapons in their shock.  Alec had no eyes for anyone else however, didn’t notice the pitying looks. He had no recollection of time, only pain and agony as he was consumed.  He fell forward sobbing into Jace's chest as his hand clutched onto Jace's shirt, if anyone snuck up on him now he would welcome death with open arms.

 

 

The agony that raged through him was cutting him up from the inside, every nerve felt like fire, his heart was breaking into a million pieces and his soul was being chopped in half; half of his very being was being pulled away and replaced with an empty void, cell by cell.  It was that pain, the pain of pure grief, that knocked Alec out. 

 

 

***********************

Alec woke up two weeks later, though Alec had no concept of time in his time unconscious, blinking into the bright lights of the infirmary. 

 

 

"Oh thank the angel." 

 

 

The voice was tired but familiar, one that Alec would always know and trust.  In a second he had arms wrapped around his body, and he jumped at the contact, surprised to have Izzy's arms around him, tears running down her face.  Alec didn't reply, trying to get his footing, so to speak and he blinked at Izzy in confusion, trying to decipher what had been cause for the reaction.

 

 

"You've...you've been asleep for two weeks, Alec. We..." Izzy took a shaky breath, pulling back to hold his hand in her own, looking down at a fading rune on his forearm and avoiding his eyes. 

 

 

"We held Jace's funeral."  Izzy's words were like a power switch reminding Alec of the reason he'd been asleep in the first place; and though Alec expected the pain to come back all he felt was a cold void, a place that used to be filled with Jace, with his warmth and his reckless ideas and his constant presence inside Alec's own being.  It was like being thrown into a pool of ice water in the deepest depths of space and being left there to drown.

 

 

"...We wanted to wait for you to wake up, but the Clave...they weren't sure you would." Izzy's voice was shaky and she gave Alec a sad smile. "He refused to be buried in the City Of Bones. He wanted to be buried at the Herondale Mansion, and...you weren't here to fight for him, so I did.  I couldn't let them take that away from him, from both of you."

 

 

Alec hadn't realized he was crying until he saw dark spots on his t-shirt and he reached out for Izzy, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly.  "Thank you." He croaked, his voice hoarse from not being used for so long.  "Thank you."

 

 

*******************

 

Alec sat unmoving on a patch of soft green grass, the warmth of the sun raining down on his face and his exposed forearms, one bearing the mourning rune, freshly drawn.  The wind gently blowing through his hair and causing the edges of his jacket to swing slowly in the warm spring air.  His mind was not on the weather, however, or the beautiful scenery around him; instead his mind was farther away. 

 

 

_I know this is silly_. Alec thought out into the universe, _But...Jace, I can't live without you. This whole Parabatai thing...they say it's possible to live after the other dies but.... It's been five years and I feel like all of me died that night, not just a part of me. I miss you so damn much, Jace. Every day when I walk into the Ops center and you're not there to meet the team, every night when I go to sleep knowing that you're not in the room down the hall, every damn time I look in the mirror and see the scar where our rune used to be....it's like it's happening all over again._

 

 

Alec wrapped his arms around his knees, looking at the headstone he'd personally chosen to be added to Jace's grave. 

 

_ Jace Herondale _

_ 'If ought but death, part thee and me.' _

_ Beloved Parabatai, Friend, Brother & Survivor _

 

Alec laughed humorlessly, biting his lip to stop the tears he could feel welling up once more and he forced himself to stand. 

 

I love you, Jace. Always . 

 

 

***************************

Alec blinked in confusion, one minute he'd been standing in front of a demon with seraph blade raised to attack and the next he was....in the middle of a mansion?

 

 

Alec glanced around the cozy room, stone walls peeked out from behind large built in bookcases, stuffed to the ceiling with various gilded books and texts.  Curtains draped down from the tall windows, blocking out most of the sunset pouring in but leaving enough to let a golden glow bathe the room in its warmth.  Plush blankets were draped over the burgundy couches that faced each other in the middle of the room, one of which Alec was currently sitting on.  A fire crackled in the hearth, warming the air of the room ever so slightly and giving the room a comforting scent.  The crystal chandelier complimented the wall sconces perfectly and Alec suddenly felt as if he'd walked into a more perfect version of the institute's library, one that felt more cozy and homey than the one there was.  Something about the room felt familiar, though he couldn't’ place exactly what it was.  

 

 

Alec stood and walked to the window seat, raising the curtain to peer at the expanse beyond the glass: green grass and mountains seemed to go on forever; was he in Idris?

 

 

Alec rubbed at the back of his neck in confusion. He could hear the birds chirping from beyond the window, the sure sounds of a warm summer night and-piano?

 

 

The melody was soft and sorrowful, a tune that reminded him all too much of the way he’d been feeling for years- yet it was beautiful in ways Alec couldn't understand.  He turned to see a figure sitting at the piano in the corner, half hidden by the Shadows and Alec's breath caught in his throat-this had to be a dream. 

 

 

"Jace?" Alec's voice was so quiet he didn't think anyone would hear him but the figure stopped playing immediately and turned to meet Alec’s gaze with wide eyes.

 

"Alec?" The voice was disbelieving and Alec could feel himself shaking as he looked at the man he'd been missing for over ten years, though he hadn’t aged a day since Alec had seen him last. 

Jace was off the piano bench in a second, stopping short in front of Alec to look with awe, his hand slowly moving out to cup Alec's face in his hand, terrified that it was a mirage, that this was all in his mind.  When skin met skin Jace's face broke out into a watery grin and Alec felt the air being knocked out of him by Jace's arms being wrapped around him, so tightly it hurt; And Alec didn't' care. 

 

 

Alec clung onto Jace's form, sobs escaping his throat as he held onto the one thing he'd been needing so badly. "Jace, I....how...?" 

 

 

"You're....you're dead, Alec. I'm sorry. This....this is where we go. The angels, they made this place for Nephilim. I never thought...."

Jace clung tighter and Alec buried his face in Jace's neck, sobs of relief coming forth as his knees gave out, causing them both to slide to the floor, each man refusing to let go of the other.

 

 

"I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere."  Alec promised, just as Jace turned his head to place a kiss on the side of Alec's head. "Never again.For whither thou goest-"

 

 

"I will go." Jace smiled, pulling back enough to look at Alec's face, his eyes dancing in happiness. 

 

 

"I will go." Alec echoed, a grin overtaking his own face, his hand taking Jace's in his own. 

 

 

Jace didn't hesitate before leaning forward capturing Alec's lips in his own, in a kiss full of passion and love that it left them both breathless.  Later they would trade stories: Alec of his time without Jace, about Clary's children, about Izzy's wedding to Simon, about Alec becoming head of the Institute- and Jace about his time in the place of the angels, of the people he'd met, his mother and father included, and how he ached every day for Alec's arrival but not knowing that he'd ever find him in this place.  For now, however, they chose to melt into each other, becoming on soul once more in ways they'd not felt in years. 

 

 

***************************

 

_ I don't want to know who we are without each other _

_ It's just too hard _

_ I don't want to leave here without you _

_ I don't want to lose part of me _

_ Will I recover? _

_ That broken piece, let it go and unleash all the feelings _

_ We are buried in broken dreams _

_ We are knee-deep without a plea _

_ I don't want to know what it's like to live without you _

_ Don't want to know the other side of a world without you _

_ Can't live without you. _

 


End file.
